I happen to have a stellar body: 6-pack abs, obliques, and an upper body that looks like a separate chest piece, but I treat myself to Ben and Jerry’s, milk and cookies, pie, cake, and chips regularly. I have an all-American body: pouch, softness, and cheeks over my cheekbones; and I still wish I looked like Brad Pitt.
-I wonder what Brad Pitt would say.
There’s this guy I work with—a redneck, looks exactly like a lil’red, 24 but acts 10—and he likes leather, a lot. Leather is not manly; it’s gay and an abominable clothing choice. I know, I’m gay and I have a leather jacket.
Lil’red wears chaps and he doesn’t have a motorcycle.
In a gruff voice he whispered, as I was wearing my jacket, “you’re wearing leather, niiiccce.”
Bondage and shit was a thing. Now it is not.
The Public Libido of Simpelskurk
My SBF thought I was his girlfriend.
My SBF cuddled me in my sleep.
My SBF buys me things but he’s a chronic liar. My SBF is thief. I need to raise the bar next time.
A straight man’s butt is the grossest thing. Gay men keep that ass in check: no crack, no shit stain on the toilet, nice jeans. Thank you homosexuality, you keep my eyes on the road.
So I’ve a straight boyfriend for a while. A straight boyfriend is a straight man for whom you have a crush, they know it and they don’t mind. My straight boyfriend gave me a teasing kiss and I have seen him naked. Basically, he’s taken it a little too far.
Last night he asked me what it’s like to give a blow job while we were watching Mean Girls. Too many questions about what it’s like, how it feels, is it fun. I’m not looking for anything scandalous, serious, or sexual: if I was I’d flirt with a gay man. And I won’t be teased about this. It’s over.
At least I don’t feel like I have to break it to him.
Online shopping, eventually I’m just buying the models.
I Fucking love this! Where did this come from?
YES YES YES
(Source: , via zombea)
people who spend more than five minutes ‘discreetly’ swallowing their congestion of phlegm
Walking through the near south neighborhood before nine am, I realize that hot guys wear nothing but overalls, a-shirts or pajama bottoms as they walk their dogs through the alleys—Lincoln, I think I love you: muscles, tans, ethnicity, heights, and hair with a touch of husker or cowboy hat; I will be waking up early now.
"‘I’d like to have you for a sweetheart, or a wife, or my mother or my sister—anything that a woman can be to a man.’"
Jim Burden to Antonia Shimerda
IV, The Pioneer Woman’s Story
My Antonia, Willa Cather